she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
