there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
