I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
handjob tips. give me some.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
