my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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