We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
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My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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