Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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