Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
