either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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