Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Houston, we have a blender
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
