If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
