paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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