If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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