U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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