That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
