the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
