Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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