i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
