so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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