I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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