Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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