another moral hangover. fuck.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
