I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
