I heard we made out
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
