So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
