dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
