i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize