We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
