after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize