I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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