Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
