Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
