Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You ruined the universe
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
