I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
