Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
