Is that why you're texting me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard