I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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