Who did Billy Mays play for?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
