You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
