My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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