smell my finger.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
God I need to hump something, right now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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