Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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