I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
