my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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