I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
