Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
