The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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