All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
