every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
