I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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