I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
