Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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