Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
