thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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