What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
