what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
