You're my little dorito
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
