my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
