cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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