Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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