I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
