24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
