I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
