Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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