Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
