There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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