why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
