Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
