Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
