I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
