I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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