dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize