I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
