i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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