Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
