The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
