Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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