so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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