I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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