I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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