my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
